Thomas Comments
Longtime White House correspondent Helen Thomas has been caught on tape telling the Jews in israel to "go back to Germany." It's the worst thing Thomas has done since she tried to eat Hansel and Gretel 375 years ago.



JFK Terror Arrest
Two New Jersey men were arrested at JFK Airport this weekend for planning a violent jihad against America. Of course, after a few hours at JFK Airport, most people begin thinking about violent jihad against somebody.



BP Chief Defiant
BP chief Tony Hawyward says he won't quit his job even as the Gulf spill continues to devastate the nation. However, Hayward says he will quit if they don't replace the seat cushions on his corporate jet.



Iran's Offer
Iran now wants to send its navy to escort the next flotilla of pro-Palestian activists to Gaza. They just need to find a place on their ships to hang a few gays and stone the female protesters if they talk to men.



Oil Spill Cleanup
The U.S. Coast Guard says the cleanup effort for the BP oil spill will lasting through the fall... mostly because the government needs to find a way to keep all the laid off Census workers busy.





June 7th


1800: David Thompson bcomes the first white man to reach the mouth of the Saskatchewan River in Manitoba... then he has to go back home to get his water wings.


1832: Asian cholera reaches Quebec, brought by Irish immigrants... who mistook it for a brand of whiskey.


1945: King Haakon VII of Norway returns with his family to Oslo after five years in exile. But he is outraged to find his picture is no longer on any cans of Norwegian sardines.