Obama Speech
President Obama used his Oval Office speech on the BP oil spill to push his overall environmentalist agenda. But Republicans are willing to compromise by dumping a million environmentalists into the broken pipe at the bottom of the Gulf.



Boxer's Crazy Claim
Senator Barbara Boxer says that climate change will be the "leading cause of armed conflict" over the next two decades... mostly because of all the people who will be shooting at annoying environmental protestors.



AT&T iPhone Jam
AT&T couldn't handle all the Apple customers who jammed the website trying to buy the new iPhone yesterday. The rest of the world can't stand those people either.



Joran's Lawyer Quits
The recently hired Peruvian defense attorney for accused murderer Joran van der Sloot is now quitting after receiving death threats. Most Peruvians are willing to kill anyone connected to any story that distracts from the World Cup.



New Arizona Law?
Now an Arizona lawmaker wants to deny citizenship to children born in the U.S. to illegal aliens... unless they promise to never blow those annoying horns when they watch soccer on TV.







June 16th


1586: Mary, Queen of Scots, recognizes Philip II of Spain as her heir. For years, she had mistaken him for her gardener.


1903: The Ford Motor Company is incorporated. Like every other significant moment in automotive history, this occurs while the UAW is on a break.


1924: The Whampoa Military Academy is founded. To this day it remains the best place to send naughty Whampoas.