Practice Run
Police say Faisal Shahzad made a practice run in Manhattan the day before he tried to blow up a car bomb in Times Square. It's hard to figure what's more shocking: the fact that he almost killed hundreds of people, or the fact that he found a parking spot in Times Square two days in a row.



Oil Plug
BP is ready to put a four-story containment dome over it gushing oil well. It's either that or plug the leak with all of BP's executive bonus checks.



Parent Survey
A new survey of parents shows the number one reason they have kids is "the joy of having children"... followed closely by the number two reason: "not wanting to sleep."



Greek Riots
Despite demanding a $150 billion bailout from other countries, the Greek people are refusing to except any spending cuts or benefit givebacks... it's like an entire nation of public school teachers from New Jersey.



Death Rate Drops
For the second year in a row, fewer Americans have died. Funeral companies are responding by favoring legislation to legalize all illegal aliens with really bad heart conditions.





May 6th

1536: King Henry VIII orders English language Bibles be placed in every church... along with divorce attornies and turkey legs.


1861: Arkansas secedes from the Union... and the American Dental Association.


1989: Cedar Point theme park opens Magnum XL-200, the first roller coaster to break the 200-foot height barrier, spawning the most barf in American history.