Wall Street Still Donates
Despite his continued bashing of Wall Street, President Obama raised $1.3 million for the Democrats at a Wall Street fundraiser last night. Of course, most of the donors were the same bank execs who frequently pay hookers to beat them up.



James Free Agency
Lebron James is likely to become a free agent now that he and the Cleveland Cavaliers were eliminated from the playoffs last night. It's not clear who this news is exciting more: New York Knicks fans or crappy tattoo artists.



Plato Son Dead
The 25 year old son of Dana Plato has committed suicide. Instead of bombing Afghanistan, the Pentagon is now just trying to get top Al Qaeda leaders to produce their own version of "Diff'rent Strokes."



Troops Hospitalized
More and more U.S. troops are being hospitalized for mental illness... which is a shame, because it's the anti-war activists who are the real nuts.



Taco Bell Deals
Industry experts say Taco Bell's new $2 Meal Deals will set a new standard for fast food... they also say they will make cats an endangered species.





May 14th


1509: In the Battle of Agnadello, French forces defeat the Venetians... mostly by tipping over their gondolas.


1643: Four-year-old Louis XIV becomes King of France, thus becoming the last French leader with fewer than 15 mistresses.


1870: The first game of rugby in New Zealand is played in the city of Nelson... the players' descendants are still looking for all the lost teeth.