German Plea
Germany is blaming "short sellers" and "speculators" for the country's economic woes... confusing and angering the German public who is outraged over these new politically terms for "Jews."



BP Aquarium
The Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach, California is opening the new BP Sea Otter Habitat this week... if there are any sea otters left alive after the BP Oil Spill Habitat exhibit in Louisiana that's been open since early this month.



California Pension Emergency
California's state pension fund needs $700 million in emergency funds... but that figure will drop to $200 million if someone would just give Mel Gibson a job.



Tar Balls Finding
The Coast Guard says the tar balls washing up on the Florida Keys are not linked to the BP oil spill. They are, however, linked to the Mancini family reunion on Key Largo last weekend.



Thailand on Fire
Protesters have set fire to dozens of buildings in Thailand, including the Bangkok stock market... which is why the demonstrators are all getting jobs in the Obama administration.





May 19th


1922: The Young Pioneer organization of the Soviet Union is established... despite the fact that everyone in Russia already had the pioneer spirit due to the lack of toilet paper.


1897: Oscar Wilde is released from Reading Gaol Prison. He spends the remaining three years of his life trying to explain why putting a homosexual in jail is actually more of a reward than a punishment.


1962: Marilyn Monroe sings "Happy Birthday" to President John F. Kennedy at Madison Square Garden... sending most of the men in the room searching for a cold shower.