L.A. Crackdown
Los Angeles is shutting down 439 of the city's medical pot dispensaries... and those are just the ones in the elementary schools.



Greek Riots
Thousands of Greek people are taking to the streets again today to protest government spending cuts. The population hasn't been this riled up since Yanni threatened to cut his hair.



Goldman Retention
Despite all the bad publicity, none of Goldman Sachs' major clients is leaving the firm. That's because it's hard to move when your pockets are weighed down with 18 tons of other people's money.



Pig Stabber
Police say a southern Minnesota man was drunk when he went into a barn and stabbed 29 pigs. Had he been sober, he would have certainly stabbed the much more menacing chickens next door.



JFK Hassles
How bad is flying out of JFK these days? Everyone in New York is now considering the accused terrorist pulled off the flight from Dubai as "the lucky one."



Los Suns
To show support for Mexican-Americans, the Phoenix Suns will wear their Spanish "Los Suns" jerseys in their playoff game tonight. And to really show their support, the team is giving the one Mexican guy who cares about basketball free tickets to the game!





May 5th


553: The Second Council of Constantinople begins... but without the same kinds of cake assortments that made the First Council such a big hit.


1494: Christopher Columbus lands on the island of Jamaica and within 15 minutes becomes a strong advocate for legalizing pot.


1809: The Swiss canton of Aargau denies citizenship to Jews, mostly because they kept ruining the curve at Aargau High.


1981: IRA prisoner Bobby Sands dies in the Long Kesh prison hospital after 66 days of hunger-striking, proving once and for all that British food sucks.