Hayward Almost Out
BP CEO Tony Hayward is reportedly close to resigning. The company just needs to find a Libyan terrorist it can trade him for.



Stone on Oil Industry
Oliver Stone says the U.S. govt. should nationalize the energy industry like Brazil... mostly because he'd like to see more oil executives in thongs.



Lohan Sentence
The L.A. County sheriff says Lindsay Lohan will only serve two weeks of her 90-day jail sentence... mostly because no one wants to see what her hair color would look like after three months inside.




Pricey Politicians
Several elected leaders in tiny Bell, California make more than $800,000 per year. The citizens are okay with that because it would actually be more expensive to keep their politicians in jail.



Lobster Ban?
The BP spill may force a five-year ban on lobster sales along the East Coast... meaning ugly rich guys can just kiss their chances of getting laid after a dinner date goodbye.




July 21st

1973: Israeli Mossad agents accidentally kill a waiter whom they mistakenly thought was involved in 1972's Munich Olympics Massacre. But they also killed him because the chicken he served was cold.

1983: The world's lowest temperature is recorded at Vostok Station, Antarctica at −129°F, two degrees colder than Orpah Winfrey’s bedroom.

1997: The fully restored USS Constitution, (aka "Old Ironsides"), celebrates her 200th birthday by setting sail for the first time in 116 years. Like most elderly ships, she heads straight for the early bird special at Sizzler.