Corporate Basic Conditions of Employment

Following on Saturday's post (see below) but on a much lighter note (at least my friends who stay trapped in the beast haven't entirely lost their sense of humour, or have they...?)


Dear Staff;

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.

• If we see you wearing Gold chain, Nike sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
• If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise.
• If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday & Sunday.

LUNCH BREAK:

• Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
• Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
• Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

SICK DAYS:

• We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness.
  
• If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a
strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls.

• At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, in the toilet

• Paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.
  

• After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin category.
  

Have a nice week.
Management

(Image courtesy of a Google image search.)