Old MacVanilla had a farm....

If it wasn't bad enough that I was beset by guinea fowl (32 marauders on the lawn last week - not much lawn of course but there you go - it's winter, it's cold, they're hungry) - but this morning I opened the curtains to find a goose paddling about in the pool! I mean, really! And on leaving the pool Not-Jemima-Not-Puddleduck *, proceeded to hiss at all the other interlopers and give them what for. Now this is not necessarily a bad thing when it comes to the gluttonous flock of doves - who, by sheer dint of numbers manage to swallow every morsel of grain out there - as I said before, nothing like a ravening mob to clear the place.

The squirrels of course are having none of it and things being what they are we've now set up Squirrel Mews - three boxes, covered in bin bags - to keep out the wet and the doves - under the patio table. Thinking the squirrels were now sorted we were somewhat gobsmacked to see a massive stand off going on. Word has got out that grub's about - not only do we get guineas and a goose, doves and squirrels - but a smaller - and decidedly feistier - rodent has turned up. Although he's not particularly welcome, I can't help but laugh at the sight of a very small rat who puffs himself up to look like huge and dangerous furball as he lashes out at two squirrels at a time. If you ever needed reminding that dynamite comes in small packages, this fellow says it all. Now, of course, I just have to find a way of politely asking him to dine elsewhere - because if the doves are anything to go by then it's going to be a job for the Pied Piper... and I shudder at that thought!

Dave, the squirrel...

Tell me, is it just me who is overrun by critters or does anyone else have "guests" that drop in for fine dining? Feed the birds, tuppence a bag, tra-la-laa...

Frankly, I blame it all on that damned chicken...


*I'm reminded of the name of a friend of mine's pet duck - look away now if you think you'll be offended... Lovely man, he named his pet Mrs Puddlefucker... Jemima Puddlefucker... Hmm, methinks the pool may be a bit f**d if the goose continues to ablute in it...